Well, the old standard answer to that question is, “You Pay Her!” But if you were to ask me, I would have to say, “You don’t. You just have to wait till she has a Hot Flash!” And you guys may be scratching your head at that answer, but I am sure the ladies who happen to be around my age can greatly relate!

Anyway, I am sure most of you have noticed my absence around these parts of late, and just in case you were wondering where I was, I was suffering from a severe hormone imbalance for the last several months, and Oh My God, did that ever have me under the weather! You guys would be amazed at how many things a lady gets affected by those goddam things, because basically the only one you ever have to worry about is your testosterone. That is, of course, the one that keeps your dick hard! But we gals have to be concerned about the ever-dreaded ESTROGEN, which effects just about every single thing to do with our nature, not only about making us horny.

What happened is that about three months ago, I stopped taking my hormone pills, since I thought being I was through my menopause and not getting my period anymore that I did not need them. And little by little, I went slowly downhill and here are just a few of the many symptoms I had because I was not getting enough estrogen anymore:

First of all, the hot flashes had to be the worst ever! I was literally burning up and sweating like a pig – looking like I had just stepped out of the shower – about every 15 minutes! And then in about five minutes, when the hot was all over, I would be sitting there freezing my ass off since the hot sweats always turned into a cold one. I did not know whether to get up and change my soaking wet clothes, in knowing how they would just be getting wet again in another quarter hour. So I kept three different outfits out each day, and I kept changing into a dry one as each one would get wet, around the clock.

My mood was nothing less than terrible throughout this entire ordeal, and to say I was just a little depressed is putting it mildly. Because I was really down in the dumpers, not to mention that along with that came some of the worst anxiety and panic attacks I have ever experienced in my life! With almost every hot flash came a panic attack as well, and I swear, I felt as if I was going to die each time! My heart would start pounding, I could not catch my breath, and I would even sometimes shake and have tremors in my hands and fingers.

Another symptom was my insomnia. I was barely getting about two to four hours sleep a night, so to say I was sleep deprived was probably pretty true. I would sometimes doze off during the day for a few minutes but never long enough to get any decent amount of sleep. So you can well imagine how rotten that in itself can make one feel.

On top of those symptoms, I also had a lot of nausea and feeling like I was going to throw up at any moment, and either constipation or diarrhea – it seems the two took turns battling it out in my intestinal tract! And the other section of my digestive tract was screwed up as well, since I was forever feeling like I had to pee, and I was correct in that I did! So I did a lot of sitting on the porcelain throne throughout this course of events, which in my estimation is never a very interesting thing to be doing, especially when you are constantly counting the same old tiles on the walls and floor! I was also retaining fluids, feeling bloated like a full blown water balloon, my nails kept breaking and cracking, my skin was dry and flaky, and to top it all off, literally – my hair was falling out in great big bunches!

I went to the doctor at least once every few weeks with more complaints then ever before, and I can guarantee you, he was getting pretty sick of seeing my face – but still he did not quite ever figure out what the real problem was. I had to come to that conclusion myself, when I suddenly realized that I had stopped taking my hormone pills a few months ago, and wondered if perhaps that could have something to do with my feeling so goddam rotten. I asked the doctor if I could take them again, and he eagerly agreed to write a new script for it, with three refills – one pill per day.

Believe it or not, after getting it filled and taking one pill that night, I woke up the very next morning feeling like a new woman! My mood was much brighter, the hot flashes had all but disappeared, and no longer did I feel anxious or panicky whatsoever. I could not quite fathom it myself, that after all that time of feeling so lousy, it was simply the lack of estrogen in my system that was responsible for everything! And over the last two weeks I have continually improved and hope to soon be feeling back to my oldER self!

Now, I’m not gonna guarantee you I will be around a whole helluva lot and I can say with certainty that I will not be around nearly as much as I was before I became so ill… But I am not going to disappear on you either, so don’t worry about it – I will do my best to keep in touch with you all when I can, OK?

Love and kisses,

Leslie